


Giving What You Don't Have

by JinxedAmbitions



Series: Nothing and Almost No One (We haven't Done) [3]
Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Angst, Butt Plugs, Cancer Arc, Foursome, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sex Toys, Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-08
Updated: 2019-05-20
Packaged: 2020-01-06 14:02:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18389876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JinxedAmbitions/pseuds/JinxedAmbitions
Summary: Brian may have let Justin back into his life and his loft, but that doesn't mean he wants to be comforted.  He has cancer, but that doesn't mean Justin should be making sacrifices for him.  He certainly doesn't want Justin neglecting himself and his needs just because Brian is in no condition to satisfy them.  Brian Kinney will never be responsible for anyone's abstinence; it would go against everything he believes in.  So, if Justin won't take care of himself, Brian will just have to get creative.*Takes place during season 4; can stand alone without reading anything else in the series





	1. Chapter 1

It had been a long day, and Justin hadn't wanted to be out as long as he had been.  However, between classes and his shift at the diner, he'd been gone most of the day. It wasn't that Brian couldn't take care of himself—in fact, he insisted on taking care of himself whether or not Justin was there—but Justin liked to be there for him, let him know that despite his insistence that he wasn't alone.

It wasn't entirely surprising that Justin was met by the unmistakable sound of Brian retching as he stepped into the loft.  He fought the urge to rush to Brian’s side, knowing that despite how bad Brian was feeling he wouldn’t appreciate Justin coddling him.  Instead, he went to the refrigerator and removed a bottle of water, opening it and taking a drink before bringing it up to the bedroom and placing it on the nightstand on Brian’s side of the bed.

The sheets were soaked in sweat and god knows what else, so Justin quickly stripped the bed, knowing that Brian could return at any moment...and not have the strength to hold himself upright while Justin changed the sheets.  Justin had become skilled at changing the sheets in minimal time since he’d come back to stay with Brian. The first time he’d tried, Brian had collapsed while he’d waited, and the argument that ensued was as harsh as it was brief because Brian hadn’t had the energy to drag it out.  

Justin was on his side of the bed, tucking the corner of the fitted sheet beneath the mattress when he noticed the gift box on his nightstand.  He was confused as to why it was on his side of the bed—not that Brian would  _ ever  _ admit they had sides.  Perhaps it was for Brian, and he’d just been too tired or distracted to open it.  However, Michael wouldn’t have sent such a nicely wrapped package which left exactly no one else who knew about what was going on and would send a sympathy gift.  Certainly, Ted wouldn’t dare.

Justin kept glancing at the box as he finished making the bed, unwilling to pause in his task to investigate for fear that Brian could return any moment.  When he was done he sat on his side of the bed and studied the gift, constantly aware of the sounds Brian continued to make. He was about to go check on Brian—against his better judgment—when he noticed the card attached to the box.  

It had Justin written on it in Brian’s neatest script.  It was the sort of writing Justin barely recognized as Brian’s, but he’d known him long enough to catch it from time to time.

Frowning, Justin lifted up the box and turned the card over.  It had nothing but his name written on it. Glancing over his shoulder at the bathroom, he considered leaving the gift to see if Brian would welcome his support.  However, he shook his head, knowing that despite Brian allowing him back into his life and his loft, he would not welcome Justin’s worries.

So, Justin opened the box.  He bit his lip when he found a butt plug inside.  It was absolutely a Brian Kinney sort of gift, but he wasn’t sure why.  It wasn’t his birthday, their (nonexistent) anniversary, and Justin couldn’t really say he’d accomplished anything lately.  

Justin lifted the plug out of the box and found that it came with a discreet remote control.  He lifted that out next and pressed one of the buttons, and the plug began to vibrate. Justin laughed, pressing the button again and causing the thing to pulse.

Then it hit him with devastating suddenness.  

“Do you like it?” Brian’s voice was startling, making Justin realize he’d stopped hearing him retch a minute ago.

“You didn’t have to,” Justin said, desperate for the right words to come to him that wouldn’t set Brian off.

“No, I didn’t.  I did it because I wanted to,” Brian said, pushing off of the wall and walking slowly to the bed.  The curl of his shoulders told Justin just how awful he was feeling.

“I’m not…”Justin didn’t know how to say that he wasn’t unsatisfied or sexually frustrated.  He knew that Brian was very sexually frustrated while, at the same time, in too much pain and far too exhausted to even want to think about sex.  But Brian did. Brian would always think of sex, even if he couldn’t have it. And evidently, he would always aim to please his partner even if he physically couldn’t.

“Don’t be a martyr.  You love getting that tight little ass of yours fucked...repeatedly and often.  You haven’t been going to Babylon since I’ve been in radiation. You’ve been masturbating in the shower when you think I’m asleep.  We’ll guess what, Sunshine. I have cancer in my nuts, not my brain. I’m still well aware of what’s happening around me.” Brian’s speech was undercut by the way it made him pant just to string several sentences together.  It was clearly one of the bad days.

“I’m sor—” Justin knew his mistake before it was even fully out of his mouth.

“Sorry’s bullshit.  I don’t want you crying at my bedside.  Either go out and get fucked, or stay in and use that.  I won’t be responsible for anyone’s abstinence.” Brian collapsed onto the bed, using the momentum to roll onto his side to face Justin.  

Justin smiled, shaking his head.  “You just have to be in control, don’t you?  Even when you can hardly get out of bed to go puke your guts up, you still need to be in control.  I’m a big boy, Brian. I know how and where to get fucked if I want to. I don’t need a remote-controlled butt plug to do it, but thank you for the thought,” Justin said, placing the plug back into the box and the box onto the nightstand.  He scooted over until he was pressed against Brian. “I’m back in school, working on Rage, dealing with my own issues. Maybe sex isn’t the first thing on my mind right now, okay?”

Brian gave him a skeptical look, but he didn’t fight.  He was clearly too busy fighting to keep his drooping eyelids open.  

“Go to sleep,” Justin told him, running his fingers through Brian’s sweaty hair.  

“You aren’t my nurse,” Brian grumbled, but his eyes slipped shut anyway.  

Justin sighed as he continued to play with Brian’s hair.  “Thank you for the gift,” he said when he was almost certain that Brian was asleep.

“Whatever,” Brian mumbled without opening his eyes.  

Justin leaned forward and kissed Brian’s cheek, knowing Brian hated when he kissed him on the mouth after he’d vomited.  It was hard to watch how the cancer so completely stripped away everything Brian took pride in. Even little things like kissing or always looking his best were taken from him.  Justin hadn’t seen Brian wear a tie since he’d started treatment. He wasn’t sure if it was because it got in the way when he was sick or if he couldn’t tie it without his hands shaking.  Both options were depressing.

Brian was resourceful though, and he found ways to work around most of what had been taken from him.  He looked sexy as hell with a few buttons undone. He was somehow even more tactile with Justin and less about kissing.  Now, he’d bought Justin a vibrator to work around the fact that he couldn’t get hard. 

Justin took a shuddering breath, trying his best not to get emotional.  Brian didn’t want pity, but some days Justin just didn’t know how he did it.  Most days, Justin couldn’t wrap his head around how Brian could go through cancer treatments with the intention of never telling those close to him.  How fucking lonely was that?

Getting out of bed, Justin took the gift box with him.  It was only 3:45 PM, and chances were good that Brian wouldn’t wake up for a couple of hours.  As much as Justin wanted to lie in bed and just hold Brian, it wasn’t possible with the amount of work he had to do.  He hadn’t been lying about the amount of pressure he was under even if Brian didn’t see it as an excuse to not have sex.  Brian had never let work demands impact his sex life after all.

Justin sat down on the sofa, tucking his legs under him as he studied Brian’s gift.  Had Brian stopped at a sex shop on the way back from radiation? Had he had it delivered?  Justin tried to imagine Brian browsing the sex shop nonchalantly after his treatment. Yes, that was it.  Only Brian Kinney would drive straight to the Liberty Avenue sex shop straight from radiation treatment on his testicles—all for the sake of buying his partner a butt plug.

Picking up the sizable plug, Justin wondered exactly what had been going through his partner’s mind when he wrapped the gift in the beautiful box.  Was he hating himself for being unable to fuck Justin? Was he concerned that this was going to be the thing that broke them and sent Justin packing?  Did he think that sex was really the only thing he had to offer?

As each theory grew more depressing than the last, Justin removed the remote and cycled through the options, feeling the toy vibrate in his palm.  He sighed, glancing over his shoulder at Brian curled up on the bed. He tried not to get sentimental about the gift, knowing Brian would only make fun of him for it.  

“Shit,” he said to no one but himself as he held the plug to his chest.  He felt pathetic for getting teary about a piece of silicon, but Brian had bought him something to make him feel good when Brian clearly had never felt worse in his life.

Putting the plug back in its box because, despite how much he actually appreciated it, he really didn’t even want to think about sex at the moment.  Instead, he picked up his sketchpad and turned, so he had a clear view of Brian as he worked.

Justin sketched Brian, lying curled up and covered in a sheen of sweat.  His hair was a disaster, and his clothes were wrinkled from lying around in them.  Yet, he still looked beautiful. Even with the weight he was losing, the muscles in his arms stood out.  His lips demanded to be kissed. His body still fit with Justin’s perfectly. He still looked out for the people he cared about even when he had nothing of himself to give.  Brian Kinney might never believe it, but Justin knew he was so much more than the Stud of Liberty Avenue. Justin would defy anyone who believed Brian was selfish and uncaring.  

When Justin had drawn every last detail of Brian’s sleeping form, he stretched his aching hand.  He’d had to take breaks to stretch it frequently, but he’d been determined. When he looked down at the page, he saw the man he loved.  The one that didn’t have to look perfect to be perfect.

Standing up slowly, Justin peeled off his sweater and dropped it on the floor.  Then he undid his pants and shoved them down his legs. He stepped out of his briefs and went to the bowl that Brian stored condoms and lube in.  He picked up the lube and bent over the sofa as he slowly fingered himself. 

It didn’t take much to get him hard.  Despite how tired he felt, he was still young and used to having regular sex with Brian and others.  So, he let himself enjoy the feeling of his own fingers. His shoulders relaxed as he found his prostate, rubbing it gently.  He bit his bottom lip as he felt the pleasure work its way up his spine.

Removing his fingers, Justin picked up the plug again, covered it in lube, and slowly worked in into himself.  He took his time, adjusting to the size and weight of it. 

He always loved when Brian would introduce him to a new toy.  Justin would sometimes buy one and leave it out just so Brian would be the first to fuck him with it.  Somehow Brian always made it feel incredible even with toys Justin would later realize he didn’t enjoy using on himself.  

Justin took a few breaths once the plug was in place.  He slowly straightened up and grabbed the remote. Walking up the stairs into the bedroom, Justin had to pause as the plug shifted inside of him.  He watched his cock bob and leak as he bit his lip, trying to keep his legs steady. Brian had definitely picked a good one.

Crawling onto the bed, Justin used every last ounce of his self control not to moan as the plug pressed against his prostate.  Brian was still sleeping, and Justin didn’t want to wake him just yet.

Justin took the remote and carefully slipped it into Brian’s hand, curling his fingers around it so it wouldn’t fall out.  Then he laid down on his side of the bed. He rolled onto his back and bent his knees, beginning to stroke himself slowly. 

The cancer treatments may have knocked Brian on his ass, but Justin knew Brian had a sixth sense for sex.  Sure enough, Justin hadn’t been stroking himself for more than a minute before Brian shifted slightly. He didn’t open his eyes or say anything, but Justin knew he was slowly making his way back to consciousness.

Justin continued to touch himself, playing with his nipples as he stroked his cock.  Since meeting Brian, Justin hadn’t done a whole lot of masturbating. Sure, he did it often enough, but not nearly as much as he assumed most men his age did.  Not that he would ever complain about how often he fucked Brian. It just left him a little spoiled. Still, when Brian worked late or was away on business, Justin often took care of his own needs.  

Brian shifted again as Justin developed a steady rhythm.  He still didn’t open his eyes, but Justin could tell he was getting close.  Then the plug started to vibrate inside of him, leaving Justin panting as he continued to pleasure himself.

Glancing over at Brian, nothing but the wicked smile he now wore let Justin know he was awake.  His eyes were still closed, and he was still curled up on his side. 

The vibrator began to pulse then, and Justin moaned as it worked his prostate relentlessly.

“You should be careful where you leave this thing.  Never know who might get their hands on it, or what their intentions might be,” Brian said, opening his eyes and watching Justin.  They were bloodshot, and Brian’s skin was pale, but he looked sexy as he gave Justin a mischievous grin.

Justin bit his lip, arching his back as the vibrated changed settings again.  

“Come here,” Brian said, rolling onto his back.

Justin sat up, shaking as sitting with the plug inside of him only made the vibrations stronger.  He made his way across the bed to Brian, letting Brian guide him to straddle his chest. Slowly, Justin settled on him, feeling the vibrator kick up to a stronger setting.  Justin had to put his hand down on Brian’s pec to steady himself. 

Brian wrapped his hands around Justin’s hips, guiding him to grind down against him and ride the plug.  Justin all but whimpered as the thick plug settled as deeply inside of him as possible. Brian pressed the remote again, and Justin almost came on the spot from how intense the setting was.  Then Brian ended up dropping the remote on the bed and wrapping his hand around Justin’s own, guiding his strokes.

Justin wasn’t going to last long, but he knew Brian wouldn’t either.  The fact that he was participating at all was actually rather impressive, considering how little strength he’d had earlier.

Brian didn’t let that stop him though, encouraging Justin to ride the plug like he rode Brian and stroking his firmly.  

Justin reached down and ran his fingers through Brian’s hair as he rolled his hips.  Brian grasped his wrist and brought it to his lips, kissing his inner wrist in a remarkably tender gesture.  

“You look hot,” Brian told him, smiling up at him.

Justin knew he was a mess.  He could feel the sweat on his skin, and he was probably flush from the exertion.  He didn’t question that though. He just smiled at Brian as he felt his entire body tremble with pleasure.

Brian teased his nipples and ran his palm down Justin’s chest as they continued to stroke Justin together.  Brian was completely into it, reading Justin’s body like a book and giving him the most pleasure possible.

Justin gasped when his orgasm finally rocked through him, leaving him trembling as Brian continued to stroke him, and the vibrator continued to assault his prostate.  Justin could hardly breathe as he tensed and went lax in Brian’s hands. 

The vibrator shut off as Justin leaned all the way forward to press his forehead to Brian’s.  Justin groaned as Brian helped him lift his hips enough that he could carefully remove the plug.  The delicate operation left Justin panting as he clung to Brian’s chest. His entire body was still wobbly from the whole experience.  Brian Kinney may not have been able to get an erection, but he hadn’t lost the ability to completely rock Justin’s world.

“Thank you,” Justin said, curling up with his head pillowed on Brian’s chest.

“It’s just a butt plug,” Brian brushed it off, stroking Justin’s hair.

“Yeah, but it was great.” Justin wasn’t talking about the plug, and he knew on some level Brian knew it too.  It was just easier this way, fewer feelings of inadequacy were involved.

Brian sounded like he was going to say something else, but then his whole body jerked.  Justin sat up as Brian shoved himself out of the bed and stumbled to the bathroom as fast as his legs would carry him.  Unfortunately, he wasn’t exactly steady, and Justin cringed as Brian’s shoulder collided with the door frame to the bathroom.

Justin heard Brian start retching almost as soon as he disappeared from view, and he sighed.  Ignoring everything that told him Brian would hate him for it, Justin got out of bed and followed him.

Brian was knelt in front of the toilet, bracing himself on the bowl as he brought up little more than bile.  Justin walked to the linen closet and removed a washcloth. He wet it in the sink before crouching beside Brian and placing the cool cloth on the back of his neck.

“Go away,” Brian managed to whisper between retches.  He tried to push Justin, but he almost knocked himself over in the process as his balance was completely fucked.

“Just don’t fight me for once,” Justin snapped back, wrapping his arm around Brian’s waist to steady him.

Brian didn’t have a chance to reply as he went through another series of violent retches.  Justin wanted to cry at the way each one visibly took more and more of Brian’s strength. By the time he settled enough to catch his breath, Brian was leaning heavily into Justin, hardly able to lift his head.  

“Come on, let’s go back to bed,” Justin said when he was pretty sure Brian wasn’t going to start up again.  

Brian laughed caustically.  “If only I could,” he said, sagging further.

Justin got to his feet and took Brian beneath his arms.  “On three. One...two...three,” he said, pulling Brian to his feet with sheer force of will.  He wasn’t about to leave Brian lying on the floor feeling miserable, not under normal circumstances, and certainly not after what they’d just done.

Brian wasn’t steady at all as he stood in front of Justin.  He swayed, and stumbled as he reached for Justin, but Justin tucked himself beneath Brian’s arm and together they slowly made their way back to bed.  Brian collapsed on it as soon as they arrived, but at least he made it.

Justin went to the kitchen and collected another water bottle and vitamins and prescriptions Brian was supposed to be taking.  He knew it was going to be a fight, but Brian needed all of the help he could get. He sat down on the edge of the bed beside where Brian was curled up.  Carefully, he counted out what Brian needed to take. Then he opened the water bottle that had been sitting the nightstand while Brian slept. He probably wouldn’t want the warmer water, but it was less likely to upset the delicate balance in his stomach.

“Brian, drink this,” Justin said, running his fingers down Brian’s back.  He watched as Brian struggled to prop himself up against the pillows, knowing now was not the time to offer his help.  He’d done enough getting Brian to bed. 

“Not now,” Brian said when he looked at Justin and the handful of pills he was holding.  He looked miserable with his hair plastered to his pale face.

Justin sighed.  He couldn’t imagine what Brian was feeling, and he hated that he had to fight with him to do what was in his best interest.  Brian was the strongest person Justin had ever met, and seeing him like this left Justin reeling.

“Please try.”

Brian looked at him with that penetrating stare of his that hadn’t weakened like the rest of him since his diagnosis.  It was still as powerful as ever, and it made Justin feel like he was in for trouble.

However, Brian nodded and opened his palm to accept the pills.  He took the bottle of water that Justin held out as well, and then he took each pill.  One by one he swallowed them with as little water as possible. He even paused after the third and just sat there for a minute.  When he was finally finished, he placed the bottle on the nightstand and motioned Justin to him.

“If you were so intent on playing nurse, all you had to do was ask. I’m always up for a little roleplay,” Brian said, clearly trying for humor but sounding absolutely exhausted.

Justin laughed, maneuvering himself so Brian could lean back against his chest.  Brian didn’t protest, and he even relaxed a little as Justin began to massage his shoulders and chest.  His head tipped back and rested on Justin’s shoulder, and Justin didn’t even try to resist the urge to place kisses along his neck and jaw.  

Brian didn’t say anything.  His eyes were closed, his mouth opened slightly, and he looked like he wasn’t in an overwhelming amount of pain for once.  

Justin ran his palms over Brian’s pecs, kneading them before moving back to his shoulders.  Then he let his hands travel down Brian’s sides, and up over his belly. It felt good just to touch him.  

Brian was never opposed to Justin touching him, but sometimes he felt so drained that Justin was afraid to touch him.  He didn’t want to make anything worse. 

“Feels nice,” Brian mumbled as Justin massaged his neck.  

Justin kissed his cheek and smiled, but he didn’t say anything.  It felt good to be able to make Brian feel even a little better. It was a hard won victory these days between the treatments and Brian’s determination to do everything on his own, but it was worth it.  

Before long, Brian was breathing deeply, his deviated septum causing him to snore lightly.  Justin just held him to his chest, resting his cheek against Brian’s. 

“Thank you,” he whispered, this time when he was absolutely certain Brian was asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Cancer sucked.

That was about all Justin could articulate on the subject at this point.  He was exhausted and emotionally drained, and he wasn’t even the one with cancer.  He couldn’t really imagine exactly what Brian was feeling between the nausea, the aches, the sweats, the irritability, the psychological trauma.  That’s not even to mention the constant ache in his nuts which Brian had mentioned one night—too awake to sleep but too weak to get out of bed. 

Justin didn’t push Brian to share.   He would’ve gladly taken any of the emotional weight that Brian wanted to unload on him, but Brian was stubborn.  He would physically let Justin help him now, but emotionally he was still an island. Sure, he let Justin in more than most, but Brian just couldn’t open himself completely.  It’s why he still found ways to be in control like with the butt plug. 

So, despite Brian being physically and emotionally drained, he insisted that Justin go about his life like usual.  Justin wasn’t allowed to ask people to cover his shifts at the diner just to watch Brian. He wasn’t allowed to miss the classes that he’d just begun again because his partner had to go to radiation.  Justin was under strict orders to keep on living like his lover—his partner—had cancer.

This is why Justin was carrying on like it was any other Tuesday.  Brian had woken him up for class at seven-thirty in the morning and made Justin coffee before Justin had to catch the bus to campus.  He’d gone to both his classes and spent time working in the studio before rushing to his shift at the diner. He even managed to fool himself into believing it was a Tuesday just like any other for a little while.

However, Justin knew something was different as soon as he opened the door of the loft.  It was Brian’s day off from treatment, so Justin had actually felt okay spending most of his day in the studio at school catching up on work, whereas most days he only went because Brian insisted.  Brian would still feel like shit, but he could handle himself and wouldn’t be rushing to the bathroom every time he was awake for more than five minutes. 

So, Justin had gotten work done and had lunch with their friends while he worked his shift at the diner.  It wasn’t exactly hard not spilling the beans about Brian’s cancer, but it was hard to hold his tongue when Brian would come up in conversation followed by some sharp remark about his character—like how he hadn’t made it to breakfast or lunch in weeks likely due to him picking up tricks on his lunch hour instead of eating.  Sometimes Justin had no trouble understanding why Brian didn’t want to tell anyone, yet Brian’s reasons were probably unfounded.

Justin hadn’t expected to come home to visitors, certainly not two of them naked and touching each other on the living room floor—more precisely, on the massive pillows on the floor.

Brian was sitting on the Barcelona chair, fully clothed as he watched them.  “There you are. I brought you a present,” Brian said, gesturing to the men in front of him.

“Because us giving each other men as gifts has worked so well in the past?” Justin asked, pulling his messenger bag over his head and dropping it next to the desk.  

“I’m known for not learning from my mistakes,” Brian retorted, shifting on the seat and motioning for Justin to join him.  Justin rolled his eyes and walked over, stepping around the writhing mass on the pillow. “This is Flavio and that is Luca.  They are doing a semester abroad here in the Pitts,” Brian introduced, pointing to one and then the other. 

Both men stopped what they were doing and looked up at Justin, smiling hungrily at him.  They seemed to be closer in age to Justin than Brian which wasn’t Brian’s usual M.O. when picking up tricks for himself.  However, Justin couldn’t deny that the two men were gorgeous.

“Nice to meet you,” Justin said before turning back to Brian.  “You don’t need to keep doing this. I’m fine. I’m better than fine…”

“Did you ever think that I enjoy watching you get off?” Brian asked him, tongue firmly in cheek.  It was not the sort of revelation that caused the earth to shake and the heavens to fall, but it also wasn’t the sort of thing Brian would ever say in front of their friends.  To Brian, sex was all about pleasure, mainly his own. To admit that he could enjoy watching Justin get off without any payoff for himself was pretty damn close to a declaration of love if Justin had ever heard one.

Justin smiled, looking from Brian to their guests.  He wanted to ask if Brian was up for this, and how Brian had been feeling all day.  However, he couldn’t mention anything in front of guests—certainly not tricks. Perhaps that was Brian’s plan all along.  If they had tricks over, Justin couldn’t interrogate him about staying hydrated and taking his pills. 

Justin planned to order dinner from Brian’s favorite Thai place in the hopes of coaxing Brian to eat more than a mouthful.  Hell, he’d hoped to spend an evening with Brian just doing their respective work without worrying about whether Brian had the energy or strength to make it to the bathroom in time.  Brian clearly had other plans.

This was an enticing alternative though.  “You really invited them here for me?” Justin asked, looking at the hot men who’d gone back to making out with each other.

“I did, and it would be rude to return a gift,” Brian said, infusing his response with all of the answers Justin needed.

Justin took a steadying breath and stood.  Brian stood as well, peeling Justin’s coat off of him and tossing it aside. His scarf was soon to follow.  Justin could feel their guests’ eyes on him as Brian methodically stripped him down to his briefs, then reached his hand into them and stroked Justin to full hardness.  

The two men rose and each stood on either side of Justin.  One kissed him as the other lowered his briefs down his thighs and took over stroking him as Brian sat back down.  Justin moaned as both men toyed with him. The feeling of Brian’s eyes on him only added to the pleasure.

Justin groaned as the first man sank to his knees and began to blow him while the other began to play with his ass.  Justin watched Brian spread his legs, giving the man on his knees room to sit as he continued to pleasure Justin. The other man also sank to his knees, bringing his mouth to Justin’s ass.  Justin could hardly keep himself standing as both men pleasured him with their mouths.

Brian smiled up at him, seemingly content to simply watch the proceedings.  However, when the second man, Luca he thought, began to finger his ass, Justin couldn’t hold himself up anymore.  

“Come here,” Brian ordered, guiding Justin to kneel on the chair, straddling Brian’s spread legs so Flavio could continue to blow him.  It also brought Justin conveniently close enough for Brian to kiss, which he did repeatedly.

Justin was torn as Luca continued to finger him, clearly intending to fuck him.  Justin hardly bottomed for anyone but Brian. It was almost an unwritten rule that his ass belonged to Brian.

“Stop questioning.  Does it feel good?” Brian asked as Luca took special care in massaging his prostate.  

Justin could hardly breathe as both men’s attentions seemed overwhelming.  Brian just smiled at him before kissing him soundly.

“Enjoy yourself,” Brian ordered against his lips.  

Justin wanted to argue that he enjoyed himself when he masturbated on the bed with Brian.  He didn’t need two tricks to do it for him just because Brian was out of commission, but that wasn’t what Brian was saying either.  Brian, Mr. Maximum-Pleasure-Minimum-Bullshit, wanted just to enjoy himself in this moment. SO, Justin let himself enjoy what Luca and Flavio were doing.

Luca wasn’t slowed down by Justin climbing onto the chair or leaning in to kiss Brian, and within minutes he had Justin prepped and himself wearing a condom.  He held Justin’s hip as he guided himself in. 

Brian didn’t stop kissing him as both men completely rocked Justin’s world.  Justin braced himself on the back of the chair, leaning into Brian’s kisses as Luca hammered into him from behind.  The man was large, and each thrust left Justin spinning. Flavio’s mouth wasn’t anything to shrug off either, taking Justin all the way down to the root.

Justin cursed as he felt himself losing control.  Brian stroked his sweaty hair and cupped his face as Justin felt himself coming apart at the seams.  Justin pressed his lips against Brian’s as he tipped over the edge, shooting down Flavio’s throat and milking Luca for all he was worth.

Justin was still panting as Luca pulled out, pulled the condom off and passed one to Flavio, who quickly lubed himself and entered Luca from behind.  Justin collapsed into Brian’s lap, letting Brian stroke and soothe him as they watched to two men continue.

“How were they?” Brian asked, pressing his lips to Justin’s temple.

“Incredible.  Where did you find them?” Justin asked, trying to catch his breath.

“I have my ways.  Feel free to rejoin them.  You don’t need to babysit me.”

“Can’t right now,” Justin admitted.  His hand had been acting up all day from how tired he was, and after his shift he was lucky he hadn’t just collapsed as soon as he stepped into the loft. This had only exhausted him further, not that he was about to complain.

His exhaustion didn’t stop him from getting hard again after a while as they watched the two men pleasure each other.  Justin hardly noticed until Brian’s fingers wrapped around him, beginning to stroke him.

“You don’t have to…”

“But I want to, so stop worrying,” Brian insisted, paying special attention to the head of Justin’s cock on the upstroke.  

Justin turned his head and rested it against Brian’s shoulder, completely forgetting the other two men as Brian slowly stroked him off, not even commenting about Justin staining the chair.  

When Flavio and Luca were finished with each other, Brian showed them out while Justin went to clean himself up.  Justin was standing at the sink in the bathroom when Brian came in. He stood behind Justin and wrapped his arms around him.  “Did you like your present?”

“I did.  Did you enjoy the show?”

“I did.”

Justin smiled at him in the mirror.  It wasn’t the same as having Brian himself.  Tricks were always fun, but Brian was in a league of his own.  Still, it was fun to fuck and have Brian there with him in whatever capacity possible.

“Daphne wants to grab lunch tomorrow.”

“Send her my regards, and tell her how pretty she looks,” Brian said, nuzzling Justin’s cheek.  

“If I go out, I’m not going to come home to a sling set up in the living room and you wearing a twelve inch strapon am I?” 

“What an active imagination you have,” Brian said, kissing his cheek and turning to start the shower.

Justin shook his head.  Nothing would surprise him where Brian was concerned.  First the plug and now this, Brian could come up with anything next.  Justin wasn’t sure he was prepare for whatever that turned out to be.

“I was thinking we could order Thai.”

“That’s fine with me,” Brian said, stripping out of his jeans and t-shirt.  He was still wearing the ghastly gray boxer briefs, but even they were growing on Justin.  He’d never seen Brian choose comfort over style before, and somehow Brian choosing to be kind to himself made Justin happy.

“Want company?” Justin asked.  He’d seen Brian naked since he’d come back.  It wasn’t for extended periods, and there was never anything sexual about it, but he had seen him.  Brian just seemed less inclined to encourage it.

“If I’m still in here when you’re done ordering, I suppose I wouldn’t mind company.”

Justin smiled, taking the hint to leave Brian in peace at least for a few minutes.  He walked out and ordered their dinner, setting money on the counter for when the delivery arrived.  Then he got out glasses and a bottle of wine, knowing Brian wouldn’t drink but wouldn’t want Justin to abstain for his sake.  Then he went to the bedroom and looked at the sheet situation. He ended up stripping the bed and setting out the laundry for the cleaning lady to take in the morning.  

Then Justin made his way back into the bathroom.  Brian was still in the shower which was producing an impressive amount of steam.  Justin opened the door and stepped inside, giving Brian space and the opportunity to take control.

“Get my back, would you?” Brian asked, holding the bar of soap out to Justin.

Justin smiled, taking the soap and following Brian’s request.  He ran his soapy hands down the planes of Brian's back, absorbing the feeling of every muscle and sinew.  He placed a soft kiss between Brian's shoulder blades before resting his forehead where his lips had been.  He'd never say it out loud, but this was better than any surprise gift Brian might give him.


	3. Chapter 3

It had been a long week.  Between going to class and work and juggling Brian’s sudden neuroses about Justin being thoroughly satisfied, he was exhausted.  That wasn’t even accounting for the hours he spent making sure that Brian was okay or at least as comfortable as he could be after treatment. It was all starting to drag Justin down, but he was afraid to say anything to Brian.  Brian didn’t need any more stress in his own life, and Justin didn’t want him to take it the wrong way either.

So, Justin was in the kitchen cooking pasta for dinner because Brian really needed the carbs whether before seven in the evening or not.  Justin didn’t like the way that Brian’s pants were starting to hang loosely on his hips, or the way his ribs were standing out. Brian had always been skinny, but that also meant he really couldn’t afford the havoc the cancer treatments were wreaking on his appetite.  

He was just tasting the sauce he’d made when he heard a thud coming from the bathroom.  He immediately dropped the spoon and lowered the heat before rushing up the steps toward the bathroom.  

Brian had been in the shower for a while, and Justin was afraid that he’d collapsed.  Brian’s cursing didn’t ease that fear. He felt his pulse pounding as he pulled open the sliding door to the bathroom and rushed inside.

Justin pulled up short when he saw Brian standing up, leaning his forehead against the shower tiles, pounding his fist against them as well.

“Are you okay?” he asked, walking to the fogged up glass.

“Get out,” Brian ground out.  His back was tense and even the muscles in his arms looked ready to strike.

“Are you hurt?” 

“I said get out!” Brian shouted this time, turning his face to look at Justin.  

Despite the words echoing Brian’s shouts from weeks earlier, Justin wasn’t swayed.  He studied Brian calmly, not moving from his spot just outside the shower. Brian’s eyes were red, and he looked as angry as Justin had ever seen him.  However, Justin didn’t want to leave him if he was hurt, even if it dinged his pride.

“Just tell me you’re okay, and I’ll go,” Justin said, placing his hand against the glass.

He watched Brian take a shuddering breath, closing his eyes and letting it go slowly.  He was half expecting Brian not to answer, but eventually Brian pulled his fist away from the wall and placed it against the glass where Justin’s was.  

“Just my pride, Sunshine,” Brian said softly, sounding resigned.  It was a heavy admission—one that Brian was slowly becoming more comfortable admitting to Justin these last few weeks.  Every day that Justin didn’t walk out on him, Brian opened up and was a little more honest with him about how he felt and what he was dealing with.  He’d probably never speak freely about it, but he was letting Justin in and that was all Justin wanted from him.

Justin wasn’t sure if Brian’s answer was better than it being something physical though.  Brian’s pride had to be shot to hell at this point, and he wasn’t sure how much more it could sustain.  

“I’ll be okay.  Go finish dinner before it’s ruined,” Brian told him.  He still wasn’t looking at Justin, but he seemed steady.  So, short of stripping down and joining him, there wasn’t much Justin could do.

“Okay, but don’t stay in there too long.  Dinner’s almost ready,” Justin said, pulling his hand away.  

Brian left his there pressed exactly where Justin’s had been.  His hands were the one thing that hadn’t changed. They still were long and graceful, and they were strong.  Justin remembered how many times those hands had held him. How safe they’d always made him feel. How careful they could be, and how forceful.  Some nights, when Brian was particularly worn down, Justin would just trace his hands with his fingertips to comfort himself while Brian slept. Perhaps it was silly, but it always made him feel better, especially when Brian would eventually lace their fingers together and give his hand a squeeze.

Justin turned and walked out of the bathroom back to the meal he’d been cooking them, trying not to imagine Brian never regaining that strength. 

He poured the pasta into the boiling water and stirred it as he tried to swallow down his concern.  It didn’t get any easier as he heard something clatter in the bathroom followed by loud cursing. 

Justin gripped the edge of the counter, but he didn’t go to check on Brian again.  If he was cursing this loudly, he was certainly capable of calling for help. Still, Justin flinched when something else crashed.

Taking a deep breath, Justin strained the pasta in the sink and went about making their plates.  He wasn’t about to let Brian make his own plate because then he’d just give himself a mouthful and act like he ate a real human portion.  No, Brian was getting a generous helping, and he was going to attempt to eat it.

Justin set their plates out in the living room.  He fluffed up the cushion on the floor and tossed down a couple extra pillows, so Brian could make himself comfortable.  Sitting at the dining room table exhausted Brian, and he hated eating in bed because it made him feel weak. So, that left the floor where at least he could lie down if he was tired.

Once things were set, Justin steadied himself and went back to the bathroom.  Brian still hadn’t come out, but he’d stopped yelling. Justin wasn’t sure whether that was a good thing or just a symptom of Brian wearing himself out completely.

Justin knocked without entering.  They’d never really closed the door on each other before the cancer, and it was strange to let the frosted glass act as a barrier after all of this time.  However, Justin tried to respect this small boundary because Brian was struggling so hard to remain as independent as possible—though no one but Brian was questioning his independence.

“Why are you knocking? Have you forgotten how doors work in the last ten minutes?” Brian called from the other side of the partition.  His voice sounded strong, so at least he hadn’t exhausted himself to the point of unconsciousness.

Justin smiled as he pulled the door open.  Dealing with Brian’s moods and drama always kept him on his toes, not that he particularly minded.  Justin stepped inside the steamy room and immediately located Brian at the sink. 

“Food’s rea—,” Justin stopped in his tracks as he took note of the dildo lying on the floor in the corner of the room. It had clearly been thrown there, having left a wet mark on the wall where it had hit it. He narrowed his eyes at it, knowing that it had no business being in here or lying on the floor when Brian didn’t even have the energy to take a five minute shower without sitting on the stool they’d recently placed within the shower cubicle.  He certainly did not have the energy to play with a dildo while he was showering. However, Justin chose to keep his thoughts to himself as he cleared his throat. “Food’s ready.”

“Really?” Brian deadpanned.

Justin smiled at him, pleased that Brian was feeling well enough to give him a hard time.  His attitude lacked the cruelty that it had when he was feeling too weak and vulnerable. 

Walking over to his lover, Justin placed several kisses to Brian’s bare shoulders.  Brian had been in the process of shaving himself when Justin entered, and Justin smiled at his reflection in the mirror.  

“You look good,” he said, raising his hand to run his fingertips over Brian’s smooth jaw.

“I always look good,” Brian retorted, though they both knew that to be a blatant lie.  Brian had stopped shaving during the week. He’d shave on Monday morning before treatment, and then it wasn’t until late Saturday or Sunday that he felt steady enough to do the job without nicking himself. It wasn’t that he couldn’t do it, but Brian had admitted that it wasn’t worth the energy that he expended doing it.  If he was meeting with a client, either he’d do it that morning, or Justin would help him. However, for the last few weeks, Brian had the early stages of a beard more often than not, which only served to highlight how haggard he looked.

“You shaving for our romantic dinner?” Justin teased.

“Please tell me you haven’t lit any candles,” Brian said, lowering his razor and giving Justin a mock haunted look.

Justin hit him playfully, rolling his eyes.  “Of course not. I dimmed the lights and have a cellist playing in the corner.”

Brian snorted.  “Why Sunshine, I’m glad to see my lessons are finally rubbing off on you.”

“How so?” Justin asked, nipping at Brian’s earlobe as he rubbed his shoulders.

“You’ve finally come to realize that size does matter.”

Justin laughed, resting his forehead against Brian’s back.  He hadn’t expected Brian to acknowledge Ethan when he was feeling vulnerable already, so he certainly wasn’t expecting him to joke about the experience.

“You’re right.  You’ve taught me so much.  Let me show you my  _ immense  _ gratitude by feeding you dinner,” Justin played along.

“And what did my devoted pupil cook for us tonight?” Brian asked, turning in Justin’s arms and cupping his face with both hands.

“It’s a surprise.”  Justin gave him his most dazzling smile as he rested his hands on Brian’s hips.  He cherished these moments when Brian was feeling well enough to get playful. He could tell Brian was trying to make up for how he’d treated him.  He’d never come out and apologize, so Justin had to read it in his actions especially when Brian was at his worst. 

“You know how I feel about surprises.”

“But I also know how you feel about my cooking.”

“And how’s that?”

“You love it,” Justin said simply, pressing a kiss to Brian’s chin before turning and leaving the bathroom.  He knew Brian would follow him. He didn’t have a single doubt.

Sure enough, Brian slowly made his way down the steps to the living room space once he’d pulled on a pair of lounge pants and a loose t-shirt.  He hadn’t paraded around naked since his surgery, but he still looked gorgeous to Justin.

Justin patted the cushion beside him as he uncovered their plates which he’d covered while he’d waited for Brian.  He smiled as Brian lowered himself to the cushion and immediately placed his head in Justin’s lap rather than against the multitude of pillows Justin had set out for him.  

“You know my rule about fats and carbs…”

“I also know your rule about bottoming, yet a little dildo told me you were making an exception, so why not have some pasta while you’re breaking your own rules,” Justin said, running his fingers through Brian’s hair.  

“If the pasta goes as well as the dildo did, I wouldn’t get too excited if I were you,” Brian said, closing his eyes and pressing into Justin’s touch.

Justin shook his head.  “Nothing gets me more excited that you actually taking care of yourself.”

Brian made a derisive sound as he rolled onto his side before pushing himself up into a sitting position.

“Don’t do that.  Why is it so hard to believe I care about you?”  Justin demanded, leaning closer toward Brian, so Brian couldn’t just brush him off.

Brian was quiet for a moment, and Justin thought he’d just ignore his existence through the rest of dinner.  It was frustrating trying to have a mature conversation with Brian even if Justin was a master of the Kinney Operating Manual.

“It’s not…”

“What’s not?” Justin asked, confused by Brian’s sudden words.

“It’s not hard to believe you care about me.”  Brian looked at him, keeping his words soft.

“Good.”  Justin wasn’t really sure how to respond.  He wasn’t expecting Brian to be earnest. He was far more used to dealing with Brian’s flippant remarks. 

“I know that you care...it’s hard for me to accept it when I have nothing to offer you in return,” Brian admitted, lifting his fork to poke at his pasta.

“What are you talking about?  You’ve let me live with you when I had nowhere to go.  You paid for my education. You got me the computer to help me get back into art.  I can’t even list off all of the things you’ve offered to me without asking me for anything.  I could feed you everyday from now until eternity, and I still wouldn’t come close to giving you what you’ve given me.”  Justin scooted closer, gripping Brian’s shoulders and massaging them as Brian picked at his food. 

“I don’t know how to let someone else take care of me...I’ve always done it myself.”

“Then let me teach you.  You think it was easy for me to let you always take care of me?  Remember my brief go go career? The Pink Posse?”

Brian snorted, but he leaned into Justin’s touch.

“You’re young.  You’re supposed to rebel a bit.  I’m...fuck it. I’m too old to be shaving my head and getting a tattoo that will freak my parents out.”

It was Justin’s turn to laugh at the image Brian painted.  “I can just imagine your mother’s face if you did that…”

Brian shuddered dramatically.  “Let’s not talk about my mother.  I’ve already lost my ability to get it up.  I can’t afford to lose the three pieces of pasta I’ve managed to stomach too.”

“Brian…”

“Oh God, you’ve got that tone that tells me I don’t want to hear what you want to tell me,” Brian said, taking a stab at his food and bringing it to his lips.

“Maybe not, but will you let me say it anyway?”

“I’m making no promises,” Brian said, but he leaned back into Justin’s embrace and glanced back at him expectantly.

Justin took a breath to steady himself, then he looked into Brian’s eyes.  “I know how hard this is on you. I know what sex means to you, and not just your image, and I know that you keep trying to please me because of that.  I get that it goes beyond your fear of me walking away…”

Brian opened his mouth, but Justin squeeze his shoulders.

“Let me finish...I understand, but you can’t do all of that and turn around a refuse any attempts I make to care for you.  I spend so much time thinking about how I’m going to do things for you in a way that won’t make you shut me down. I’m exhausted, and then you bring home tricks for me or buy me a new toy, and I can hardly keep my eyes open…”

“No one is telling you to—”

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence,” Justin ordered, squeezing Brian’s shoulders tightly.  “I’m not saying you’re a burden. I’m not say I’d rather be anywhere else. I’m saying you have to let me care for you and about you without fighting me at every turn.  You’re not weak for letting me in, just like I wasn’t weak when I let you care for me after I was bashed.”

Brian let out a heavy sigh, nuzzling against Justin’s neck.  “I shouldn’t have let you say it,” he mumbled.

“It’s too late now.  There’s no going back.”

Brian laughed at that.  “Stop stealing my best lines,” he said, leaning into Justin until he pressed Justin down onto his back.  He climbed onto Justin’s body and looked down at him. “I can’t make you any promises...but it’s not because I don’t appreciate what you’ve done or want to push you away.  I...just don’t know how to be any different, and when I’m sick from getting my remaining ball fried to a crisp, I’m not always in the right frame of mind to think about what I’m doing…”

“Then can you make the effort now, when you aren’t feeling so bad?”

Brian rolled his lips in and breathed out through his nose.  His nod was hardly discernible, but Justin could read it loud and clear.  

Justin rolled then, taking Brian’s position and pinning him to the cushion.  “Just let me take care of you tonight,” Justin said, lifting Brian’s shirt up and over his head.  He smiled down at him as he ran his fingertips down Brian’s smooth chest. He kissed every inch of Brian’s chest before slowly dragging Brian’s pants down his thighs.

He kissed down Brian’s long legs before guiding Brian onto his stomach, completely ignoring Brian’s soft cock and the scar he hated to acknowledge.  Instead his began to massage Brian’s calves, digging into the muscles and drawing out the tension within them. He worked his way up to Brian’s thigh then his ass, kneading it as he kissed the small of Brian’s back.

“Why was your favorite dildo lying on the bathroom floor?” Justin asked, placing his hands on Brian’s back and carefully working at the knots he’d developed from how tense he got when he was sick after treatment.

“Do you really want me to say it?” Brian asked, sounding defeated.

Justin didn’t answer him.  Instead he worked on a particularly tight knot, using the massage oil that they kept in the living room with the lube and condoms.

“I thought, if I couldn’t get it up, maybe I could...bottom for you.”

Justin didn’t ask him how that plan had gone.  It was already clear that it had been a failure.  Justin was incredibly touched by the sentiment whether or not it actually came to fruition.  Brian was wary of bottoming at the best of times, so to consider doing it for Justin when he was already feeling vulnerable...it was  _ big _ .

“Why don’t you just let me handle things for now?” Justin suggested, running his tongue down Brian’s spine in a patented Kinney maneuver.  

Brian grunted, but Justin could feel him relaxing beneath him.  So, Justin continued his path south, hesitating only a moment before separating Brian’s cheeks and circling his hole with his tongue.  He could feel Brian stiffen beneath him, but just as quickly his entire body seemed to deflate.

Justin teased him, circling and pressing his tongue to his ass without actually penetrating him.  He took his time, making sure that Brian was comfortable and relaxed. He was completely aware of Brian’s every move and every breath as he slowly opened him up with his mouth.  

Brian’s right hand gripped the pillow beneath him, while his left rested down at his side.  He didn’t even flinch as Justin slowly took his hand in his and squeezed it as he pressed his tongue just a little further into Brian’s ass.

It took a long time, but eventually Justin worked a finger in alongside his tongue.  Brian slowly began to really react. His breath hitched, and his hips bucked a few times as Justin continued to lavish him with attention.  

From his position, Justin could tell that Brian never got hard despite the pleasured sounds he was making.  That was okay with him. He just wanted Brian to feel good, so he continued to carefully tease Brian with his tongue as he slowly worked a second finger into him.  

Justin wasn’t sure how much time had passed by the time he worked two fingers into Brian.  He could only imagine how frustrated Brian must have felt with the dildo because Justin had had to work hard just to get that second finger in.  He knew there was no hope of keeping Brian relaxed enough for a third, never mind his cock or Brian’s favorite toy. This was as far as they were getting, but Justin wasn’t about to complain.  The fact that Brian was calm enough for this much was a success.

“I love your ass,” Justin muttered, playfully biting Brian’s left cheek as he very gently curled his fingers forward.  

Brian grunted, but as Justin’s fingers finally made contact with his prostate, he gasped loudly and went completely tense.  Brian batted at Justin’s hand, breathing unevenly as Justin quickly but carefully removed his fingers.

“Shit.  Too much?” Justin asked, running his hand over the small of Brian’s back.  He frowned as Brian kept his eyes closed tight and continued to breathe unsteadily.

Justin was expecting Brian to snap at him or push him away, but eventually Brian relaxed again.  However, Justin continued to hover behind him, unsure what to do.

“Maybe just a rimjob for now,” Brian finally said, hugging one of the pillows beneath his head as he laid still once again.

Justin smiled.  “I can do that,” he agreed, lying down between Brian’s legs and slowly working Brian back open with his tongue.  He savored every soft gasp and sigh that Brian made, happy to be able give Brian some pleasure even if Brian wasn’t ready for anything more.  This was enough, just knowing that Brian was letting him in. 

Justin could barely feel his tongue anymore when he eventually heard the soft rasp of Brian’s snores.  He smiled as he lifted himself enough to look at Brian’s face. The tension lines around his eyes had smoothed, and he looked truly relaxed for the first time in weeks.

Running his hand gently over Brian’s side, Justin carefully coaxed Brian over onto his back.  Then he settled himself against Brian’s chest, holding on to him.

After a few minutes, Brian’s arm came up to wrap around Justin’s shoulder, hugging him close.  “Sunshine, if I don’t survive this...my greatest contribution to mankind will have been teaching you how to eat ass.”

Justin snorted.  “Shut up, you asshole.  You’re going to survive, and then you’ll have to teach me something new,” Justin retorted, slapping Brian’s chest lightly.

“Why mess with perfection.”

“God, you really must be sick.”

Brian pressed a kiss to Justin’s hair, squeezing him again.

“Thank you.”  Brian said it softly, but it echoed in Justin’s head like a scream.  “I know I’m a handful at the best of times, and I can’t imagine having to deal with me lately.”

“You’re not dying, Bri.  Stop saying all this shit like it’s the last chance you’ve got.”

“Fine, the pasta was overcooked, and you better not have opened a ninety dollar bottle of wine just to leave it sitting untouched on the table.”

“Whose fault is that?”  Justin fired right back, sitting back up and straddling Brian’s hips.  He leaned over and picked up Brian’s fork, stabbing several pieces of pasta before lifting it back up.  He brought the fork over Brian’s body, laughing as a drop of sauce landed on Brian’s chest causing him to curse and his eyes to fly open.

“What are you doing?”

“Feeding you.  Don’t think you can distract me with your ass.  You promised to try to eat something tonight.”

“I don’t remember making any such promise,” Brian protested as Justin brought the fork down toward Brian’s mouth.

Justin gave him a meaningful look, holding the fork steady just above Brian’s mouth.  Brian glared at him for a moment before slowly opening his mouth. He didn’t comment as he chewed his food, but he carefully propped himself up on several pillows as Justin picked up another forkful.

Brian didn’t refuse anything Justin fed to him while Justin slowly drank the wine he’d poured himself.  It was low key, and incredible intimate as Justin remained in Brian’t lap. They stayed on the cushions, intertwined for a long time after they’d finished eating.  

However, Brian’s energy was flagging, and Justin wasn’t doing that much better.  So eventually, Justin carried their plates to the sink and rinsed them before loading the dishwasher.

Brian continued to lay on the cushions, smoking a joint as he waited for Justin to come back.  He was almost finished with it when Justin turned out the lights and made his way back to him. 

“Ready for bed?” Justin asked, holding out his hand.  

Brian placed the joint in the ashtray, and took Justin’s hand.  He let himself be guided to the bedroom before making his way to the bathroom on his own.  Justin took his turn when Brian was finished, and by the time he made it back to bed Brian was only half away.

Justin crawled beneath the covers and settled in Brian’s arms.  “I promise not to question the toys or the tricks or the porn so long as you don’t question the food or the clean sheets or the back rubs while you’re sick,” Justin said, taking the hand that Brian had draped over his chest and tracing his fingers.

“I’ll try.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”


End file.
